Good morning 2017! Where did January go? It feels like we’ve just celebrated Christmas and New Year’s!
We’ve just returned from an overseas holiday visiting friends and family. We hardly do that as January is peak holiday season, but now that we’ve done it, I think it’s a great idea to start the year with loved ones.
Going back to Singapore always grounds me. No matter how far I’ve come in my career, or church life (is that even possible), my first home reminds me of that little dorky girl who dreamt a little, but not that much. That’s why I love travelling – it gives us perspective, lets us into people’s lives, and reveals God’s beautiful creation so vast and wide.
2017 will be a year of rest for me. Ironically, I’d like to shift to a quicker gear in various aspects of my life, but out of a position of rest in God. He provides rest in green pastures and restores our souls. Nothing else will do the same – not possessions, prestige or people.
We talk a lot about discipline at church; discipline in prayer, fasting and quiet time. I’m not quite sure I see that concept much in the Bible. Does it stem from our 21st century upbringing, or from our guilt in failing to please God as we see it? The Bible, however, talks much about wisdom. Wisdom is to choose God above all, follow in His ways, and worship Him only.
What will 2017 bring? More sickness, disappointment or heartache? Will it just pass us by like 2016 did? Can we predict anything, anymore?
For starters, let’s wean off Netflix. Then, let’s choose God in above all.
Waiting is hard. Waiting for a dream job to turn up, a relationship to bear fruit, or circumstances to change. I’ve since realised it’s not the end goals that make us fulfilled; it’s what we do in the times of waiting that fulfill us.
After all, how many years did Joseph wait in jail, Moses wait on sheep or Jesus wait on others? We relish the success stories dotted throughout the Bible and wish our lives were just as exciting and eventful. In our narrow view of life, we gloss over dashes engraved on tomb stones, the hurt of promises never coming to past and the grunt of normalcy that drains hearts.
We forget that God is still good in those times in which He asks us to wait. He is never late, but always on time, which means He never needs to wait. He is fulfilled in every moment. He is God in every second.
Forgive us O Lord, when we discount seasons that we dismiss as slow or meaningless; for the times we argued and grumbled whilst wandering in the desert because we didn’t trust You in the first place; for giving up on faith, hope and love.
You are Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. You were there in the past, You are there in the future, and You are here now.
Anything could happen with You around, so what are we waiting for?
It’s 1.41am in Bali and I can’t sleep. We’ve just visited the red light street in Sem and shook hands with people whom others would call ‘loose’ or ‘undesirable’.
Since coming here, I’ve had strange thoughts and mild regrets of my life back in the real world. You know, the world in which I sit in the office for most of the day and go to church on the side. I assure you – that world is very real.
I’m lying in bed recalling conversations that have just passed and feeling the feelings that I’d felt (I think I might be a feeler). I am almost annoyed at myself.
I remember wedding planning with my hubby, and breaking down saying, “This is not what I want.” Before you jump to conclusions, I was talking about an expensive dream wedding. I loathed it; I despised it. It wasn’t the person I wanted to be. But still, I will be the first to admit that it was difficult giving that up.
It’s been a year, and I’m feeling the same annoyance at myself. A nice house in a good neighbourhood? A prestigious job with good prospects? Thanks, but not really.
I am grateful, I truly am. But it’s not who I want to be.
Doing isn’t being, they say. But doesn’t your doing unravel the essence of your being?
I started to read my old blog posts and they have confirmed my long-held suspicions that the life I’m leading does not reflect the me I have been longing to be. Or rather, who I truly am on the inside.
I don’t have any answers but what I do know is that it’s now 2.04am.